I don’t know about you, but I could use a hug. I get them here from my hub now and then, and I am grateful for that to be sure. But I also miss my mom, and my friends, especially the musical ones. So many of whom are the most generous huggers. Out on my run today I encountered many others outside enjoying the (for the moment) mild weather. We crossed the road to avoid one another. I think we are all terrified of what’s coming, or is possibly already here among us.
Today I heard from one far flung friend who said that yesterday she felt like a basket case. And that today she was doing all right, all things told. I told her that I was feeling the exact opposite. Yesterday felt like things were going to be ok…..
Then, after last night’s tornado warning, complete with sirens (thank the gods however, not the tornados) and a sleep filled with vivid dreaming that was no true sleep at all, I’ll admit to feeling a bit more fragile today.
Some days we fill the baskets, other days we are busy making the baskets. And then, some days, we are just the basket cases. These are the Basket Times.
My sister is an Emergency Nurse. We chat on the phone occasionally and she gives me the update from her ground level view on this crisis. She and others like her have heard what’s coming from places far away. They are as ready as they can be. I salute these heroes just now with their uncanny ability to thrive and shine in mayhem. I marvel.
Grace under pressure.
Cooling palm across my brow.
Eyes of an angel.
Lay me down.
When we were expecting our second child, we were under the care of a team of midwives. They were much less ‘medical’ in their approach to birth. Much more willing to let things be as they needed to be as they moved forward. Our Madeleine was 16 days late. I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea in recent days as I ponder the notion of control, and the human thinking that we might actually have control over anything at any time. Especially with regard to the state of things in the world being what they are.
Right now we are in a time of waiting. A time of deep un-knowing. It is like that expectant time before the birth of a child. But darker, of course. I am reminded of the depth of similarities between the energy in a room awaiting the birth of a new one and that of a room on the edges of greeting death. I have witnessed both many times and in spite of the differing circumstances and people involved, there is always that moment of stillness, just before and just after this crossing that feels somehow transcendent over all other times.
We are in that moment as a country.
“Sunsets over the city, clouds are rising
And you can see clear up to the night time sky
And if you’re feeling precious, you want to do well
Think of others, ask for a prayer underneath Christchurch bells”
We all have our ways of being in the world. Some doers. Others shining in ways I can’t comprehend. There are those (perhaps one leading a large country, for example) who seem built to wreak havoc and sadness where e’er they roam. I for one am a bit of a watcher. raised in a variety of settings which helped build long internal antennae, I merely observe.
People are dealing with this crisis in an array of ways. There is panic and grief and creativity and generosity. There is judgement and finger-pointing, joy-making and a renewed sense of community in some unlikely places. Aside from the obvious, there is no wrong way to deal with it all and we must each follow our own path, depending on what kind of basket day it might be.
I’ve heard it said, “this slowing down is such a gift.” Well, yes, for some. Those with the privilege to weather the economic storm this slowing down brings, sure. It’s lovely indeed actually. I’ve also seen others’ online contributions ramp up in a near frantic wave of “doing, doing, making, making!” which is indeed inspiring in this time of being home-bound and maybe a bit restless and in need of entertainment. But this level of doing is only right for some. We must all just do as we can and as we must as this all pans out.
“Cause love’s such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love (people on streets) dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves”
Queen & David Bowie
We mustn’t forget to take breaks from the online sphere now and then, to admit to friends (yes, perhaps even professional contacts) that maybe this afternoon, we aren’t quite ourselves. We must check in on one another and do what we can.
We must learn to be openly alone.
This is a time of great change and uncertainty. And we do not know what is ahead. But perhaps we might learn something from the springtime emerging all around us here in the northern hemisphere. We can learn to begin again.
“Begin again to the summoning birds
to the sight of light at the window,
begin to the roar of morning traffic
all along Pembroke Road.
Every beginning is a promise
born in light and dying in dark determination
and exaltation of springtime
flowering the way to work.
Begin to the pageant of queuing girls
the arrogant loneliness of swans in the canal
bridges linking the past and the future
old friends passing through with us still.
Begin to the loneliness that cannot end
since it perhaps is what makes us begin,
begin to wonder at unknown faces
at crying birds in the sudden rain
at branches stark in the willing sunlight
at seagulls foraging for bread
at couples sharing a sunny secret
alone together while making good.
Though we live in a world that dreams of ending
that always seems about to give in
something that will not acknowledge conclusion
insists that we forever begin.”
From what is broken and empty in our western, consumer driven, capitalistic culture……
……perhaps we might bloom again into something different, better, brighter.
Perhaps we might feed each other in new ways, locally and in balance…..
Perhaps we might make light out of ruin.
Happy first day of spring. May we, here at Equinox, come to balance once again.
“Balance. It was all about balance. That had been one of the first things that she had learned: the centre of the seesaw has neither up nor down, but upness and downness flow through it while it remains unmoved. You had to be the centre of the seesaw so the pain flowed through you, not into you.”
Oh and ps, if you need a good, cleansing cry, check out this new work from my dear friend Kim. (click the green letters!!) She makes musical magic with word and song.